Thursday, January 21, 2010

Have you ever had one of those days

when you wake up at 3 a.m. with your bed so full of regrets and resentments that there's no room for you anymore so you force yourself to just get up?

Have you ever realized that you're holding onto your anger for no good reason like it's your Great Aunt Inez's fine crystal vase, and if you happen to take just one finger off it then the whole thing might crash to the floor beneath and break into a million tiny little pieces, and you'll be left standing there naked and vulnerable for the whole world to see?

Have you ever wandered around Old Town wondering why you're in such a horrible mood and wanting to blame it on PMS but realizing that would be betraying all your feminist principles as well as allowing your first ex-husband to have been right about something. And then you plop down painfully on the sidewalk because you dropped your keys in the gutter and stumbled trying to pick them up with the sudden realization that you now have to embarrassingly specify between your first and your second ex-husbands?

Have you ever become disgusted at your own self-absorbed melodrama and told yourself - For Fuck's Sake Look at Haiti and Shut the Hell Up- but then still shed a tear when the girl at Los Bagels rolls her eyes at you because she made your bagel for here and you need it to go, and you wonder if you told her the wrong thing to begin with by mistake because you just turned 40 and senility is waiting right there around the corner?

Yeah, me neither.

21 comments:

humboldturtle said...

Counseling is good.

The third time's the charm.

You are just getting started.

Anonymous said...

Kristabel, it was a grey day for me,too. I really got into it with tea party activists on facebook and had to drop them as friends, because it became insulting. Put on your warm cozy jammies and cuddle with your special someone. I am with you, sister!
xo

Anonymous said...

Because you often write light-hearted things I sometimes forget that you have this incredible ability to make us feel. Then you do it, and it gets me every time. Thank you. I hope tomorrow is better.

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Sweet Vernal Zephyr said...

But then I sit outside and stare at nothing, and listen to everything, and feel something watching me. Eventually my mind wanders to something good & right... or something good & right comes along...

Anonymous said...
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Jennifer Savage said...

Oh my god! I totally have those days! Were you following me?
xoxox

Bumblebee said...

I love you my friend

Anonymous said...
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Sandi said...

Hey lady,

I think I may be your new neighbor. I just stopped writing my blog, "Cheaper Than Therapy" and I promise I'm not a stalker! My e-mail is rockyweeds at yahoo dot com, if you want to confirm :-).

~Sandi

HumboldtJen said...

Just a word of encouragement....I'm enjoying your writing! I've got the beginnings of a blog forming in the back of my head, but haven't quite got it together enough to start. Currently, I'm stuck on a name.
Hope you find some light in your day!

Kristabel said...

Sandi,

I'm totally intrigued and sent you a message. If you don't get it, check your junk mail. For some reason yahoo keeps sending things there.

xo

Plain Jane said...

Maybe you are channeling my life, Kristabel. Just kidding, sort of...

Anonymous said...

Good post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you on your information.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh....
I laugh, but with slightly damp eyes.
I have caught myself not just holding my resentments, but cuddling with them like a well loved pet.
And though some may call it "wallowing" I prefer to go with spa terminology & call it "revitalizing" (if they can make mud sound good, why not re-label my self pity?)
I swear - someday I'll bump into a fabulous woman who's humor and intellect are delightful, & as we introduce ourselves she'll say her name is Kristabel & I'll throw back my head laughing & simply say "Of course it is."
SoHumBorn

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nicholas said...

There are many things in life over which we have no control.

We do not control our breath or the perfect balance of air to take in.

We do not convince our heart to keep pumping each day or our cells to keep making blood.

We don't sit and tell our hair or our fingernails to grow longer every day.

Life for the most part is uncontrollable. Yet, we do have control over one thing - the thoughts we are willing to hold.

Happiness lays not in controlling the uncontrollable but in letting go of everything but the thoughts that bring the emotion of relief.

Your emotions are a lovely guide. The thoughts that don't feel good tell you you are far from the thoughts your inner being thinks about you. Follow the better feeling thoughts no matter what they are (or how based in reality they are) and you will find happiness. I'll meet ya there ;)

Kristabel said...

Oh, sohumborn, I hope we do bump into each other one of these days. Soon!

nicholas...well...thank you, even though I might have to read your comment a couple more times. My inner being wants chocolate cake. Can we start there?

xoxoxox

HumboldtJen said...

It's comforting to know that I am not the only one who cringes when we have to say, 'no, my other former husband'.

Bet ya got some good stories though!

suzy blah blah said...
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Kristabel said...

You too, Jen! Yay! I mean..well..you know, I just like not feeling alone. I'll bet you've got some good stories too.